Australian Penthouse story: ‘Man Vs Beast’, February 2011
A story for the January 2011 issue of Australian Penthouse. Click the below image for a closer look, or read the article text underneath.
Man Vs Beast
Death matches between a man and a monstrous foe dominate the worlds of literature, film and television. Australian Penthouse takes a look at seven of the best…
Chief Brody & Jaws
When & where: 1975, Amity Island, Massachusetts, New EnglandFew man-versus-beast conflicts are more notable than police chief Martin Brady pitting his wits against the greatest shark of them all (known among crew members as ‘Bruce’ and named after director Steven Spielberg’s lawyer). In what has since been recognised as a watershed film in motion picture history, Jaws proved terrifying to audiences through its tense, dramatic, and – most importantly – realistic portrayal of a seaside town in the grip of shark fear. After killing five people, the fish meets its match in Brady, who meets kills it by exploding an air tank in its mouth.
David & Goliath
When & where: 11 Century BC (allegedly), Valley Of ElahThe ultimate tale of the underdog. Twice daily in the midst of a 40-day war, the Philistines’ biggest, strongest fighter – between six and nine feet tall, according to conflicting interpretations – challenges the Israelites to engage him in single combat. None dare face him until regular dude David happens upon the scene and accepts the challenge. Opting to fight with just a staff and a slingshot, he immediately hurls a sling stone at Goliath’s head, knocks him down and beheads the beast with his own sword, thereby turning the tide of war. David: the original MacGyver.
Peter Griffin & The Chicken
When & where: 2000s, Quahog, Rhode IslandAn infrequently recurring character in the television series Family Guy, Ernie The Giant Chicken is the rival of protagonist, Peter Griffin. In perhaps the best example of creator Seth MacFarlane’s fondness for non sequiturs, Ernie and Peter engage in extremely long fight scenes that results in both characters causing obscene amounts of property damage and beating each other to the point of ridiculousness. Despite having made just seven appearances and four fight scenes, the Ernie vs Peter running gag remains one of the program’s most popular and is immortalised on tee-shirts. Remember, Peter: the chicken could strike at any time. Remain vigilant.
Dr Jekyll & Mr Hyde
When & where: 1886, LondonFrom the pen of Scottish author Robert Louis Stevenson emerged The Strange Case of Dr Jekyll and Mr Hyde, a story noted for its vivid portrayal of split-personality disorder. Its narrative concerns outsider observations of the gentlemanly Dr Jekyll and the deranged Mr Hyde, who is suspected of murdering several citizens. We learn that the doctor, seeking to separate his good side from his darker impulses, discovered a way to transform himself periodically into a creature free of conscience – Mr Hyde. Trouble arises when periodically becomes regularly, then involuntarily, and ultimately, permanently. At least, the doctor’s dark side would have become so had Jekyll not committed suicide.
Ahab & Moby Dick
When & where: 1851, Pacific OceanCaptain Ahab seeks revenge against a gigantic white sperm whale that crippled during a previous voyage, and he’ll stop at nothing to achieve his goal. The tale is told through the eyes of Ishmael, a Manhattan native who believed the purpose of the expedition to be harvesting the mighty mammal’s oil. In fact, the crazed captain forces the crew the follow the whale across the seven seas, hoping to harpoon it into submission. In the end, Moby Dick prevails – it dives deep with Ahab in tow, thereby dragging the captain to his watery grave.
Perseus & The Kraken
When & where: Ancient GreeceWhat is more fear-inspiring than a giant whale? A giant squid, of course! In this case, the mythological monster known as the Kraken. Legendary hero of ancient Greece, Perseus faces the 100-foot beast in a climactic battle in the 1981 movie Clash Of The Titans (and the 3D revamp in 2010). In an unexpected turn, the Kraken is turned to stone upon gazing at the decapitated head of the Medusa, previously killed by multi-tasker Perseus.
Luke Skywalker & The Rancor
When & where: A long time ago in a galaxy far, far awayThe dictionary states that the word ‘rancor means “a feeling of deep and bitter anger and ill-will; hatred; malice”. Yet, despite its fearsome appearance, the Rancor – a giant creature with long claws, originally imagined by its creators as a “cross between a bear and a potato” – ultimately proves less of a death match for Jedi Knight Luke Skywalker, who lures the creature into a smaller section of its cave and crushes it under a steel door, leaving its keeper to sob quietly. Surely the Rancor could have achieved maximum sustenance by munching on morbidly obese space gangster Jabba The Hutt?